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Top 10 Reasons Why My March Madness Bracket Never Makes It Past the 1st Round

By Mike Mankiewicz

Photo by Kindel Media

I always bet on a team if their star player looks like Barbara Hershey did in Hoosiers.

I always bet against any state where I still have a bench warrant for too many speeding tickets.

I bet on the favorite if my cat hits the litter box.

I bet on the underdog if my dog faints after getting a whiff of my “lucky” socks.

I bet against teams if their home state doesn’t grow anything that can go on nachos.

I pick teams based on whether my favorite frozen cocktail matches their uniform colors.

I choose teams based on which one of their mascots looks more like I’ve decided to remember my ex.

I always bet on a team if any starter looks like Marvin the Martian in Space Jam.

You add the seed numbers of the two teams together and then divide it by the combined IQ of the referees. If the answer is more than one, bet on the underdog.

I double-check all my picks by consulting a Magic 8 Ball and throwing darts with my eyes closed.

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Mike Mankiewicz
Mike Mankiewicz
Mike Mankiewicz shares his funny outlook on Fridays. Mike worked in the radio for 35 years which is why he is such a smart alec. He loves to make fun of everything including himself. He will write about PC gaming, easy recipes, why free movies kick booty, why people act so goofy sometimes, and always remember laughter is good for the soul!
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