Drones, Binoculars, and Birds: A Spying Scandal for the Ages
By Mike Mankiewicz
therealbrainlessshow@gmail.com
Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash
Ah, the Paris Olympics—a stage set for athletic excellence, national pride, and, apparently, some clandestine drone operations. In a plot twist that seems more suited to a spy thriller than a sporting event, the assistant head coach and an analyst for the Canada women’s soccer team found themselves booted from the roster after a spying scandal of epic proportions.
Picture this: the serene training grounds of the New Zealand squad in Saint Etienne, disturbed not by an unexpected weather change but by the ominous hum of a drone hovering above. The Canadians were not attempting a new training technique or capturing some innovative aerial footage. No, they were caught red-handed spying on their opponents’ practice session. This incident, barely 72 hours before their match against New Zealand, sent shockwaves through the Olympic village.
Now, let’s address the elephant—or should we say, the drone—in the room. If you’re going to spy, at least be creative. A drone sticking out like a sore thumb in the clear sky? Really? Why not camouflage it to blend in with the surroundings? Perhaps a bird or a blimp—something less conspicuous and more likely to avoid raising alarms. Look, I understand you don’t have the clout to call in a spy satellite to focus on their practice, but still, some effort in camouflaging wouldn’t hurt.
And then there’s the nostalgic part of me that can’t help but question: whatever happened to good old-fashioned binoculars? Remember those? With a powerful enough pair, you could be sitting comfortably in a tree, munching on your lunch, and still get a clear view of the field. Think of the simplicity, the elegance. For the price of that drone, you could have invested in some top-notch binoculars and avoided this whole debacle.
In the aftermath, the Canadian Olympic Committee (COC) swiftly acted, confirming that head coach Bev Priestman would miss the opening game against New Zealand. Joseph Lombardi, an unaccredited analyst, and Jasmine Mander, the assistant coach, were both sent packing, thanks to their ill-fated drone operation.
The police investigation, coupled with the COC’s findings, unearthed a second drone incident just days before. This led to mandatory ethics training for Canada Soccer staff—a crash course in what not to do at international sporting events.
“Joseph Lombardi is being removed from the Canadian Olympic Team and will be sent home immediately,” the COC declared, adding Jasmine Mander to the exile list. As FIFA jumps in with its own investigation, the ripple effects of this scandal continue to unfold.
So, just remember, if you’re considering high-tech espionage, remember the humble binoculars. They might not be as flashy, but they certainly won’t land you in hot water—or in the middle of an international scandal.
