Largest IT Outage in History and No Free Burgers!
By Mike Mankiewicz
therealbrainlessshow@gmail.com
Photo by Milad Fakurian on Unsplash
We rely on technology to keep our planes flying, our hospitals running, and our society moving forward. It’s comforting to know that there are brilliant minds ensuring everything operates seamlessly. Except, of course, when they don’t.
Take, for instance, our friends at the Texas-based cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike. You might recognize them as the guardians against digital evil, the ones who bravely step in to fix gaps in malware security. Or, as we now know them, the folks who managed to crash an estimated 8.5 million Microsoft Windows devices in a single, glorious swoop.
Last week’s crash, which resulted in the largest IT outage in history, was caused by a bug in CrowdStrike’s Falcon software. The update, intended to patch a security flaw, instead created delightful chaos across multiple sectors. Hospital data systems failed, flights were grounded, and Fortune 500 companies collectively lost an estimated $5.4 billion. It’s reassuring to know our reliance on these tech wizards is so well-placed.
Being the wonderful whiz kidz that they are, CrowdStrike had a plan to make amends. $10 Uber Eats gift cards. Nothing says, “We’re sorry for the chaos,” quite like the promise of a free burger. Unfortunately, this act of culinary contrition fell flat when recipients discovered the vouchers were not redeemable. Yes, in a twist of fate, the food gift cards to apologize for a technical glitch turned out to have their own technical glitches.
The irony is almost too delicious. It’s like a tech Guru forgetting their own Wi-Fi password – hopefully, I didn’t just jinx something right there. The company has since rescinded the offer because if there’s one thing worse than causing the largest IT outage in history, it’s offering unusable consolation prizes.
As we look to the future, we can sleep soundly knowing these technical experts are at the helm. They promise to prevent such a catastrophe from happening again by staggering future software updates. I’m now fully confident that this simple, previously overlooked solution is the key to the future.
So, let’s raise a toast to the tech wizards of our time—the ones who keep our systems functioning, our planes flying, and our society moving forward—so long as you don’t need a functioning food gift card.
